A beautiful piece from my sister Helen to remember our gorgeous mum this Mothers Day…
Mother’s Day – the day where you’re meant to celebrate your mother. She’s done a incredible amount for you over your lifetime – raised you, taught you everything you know, and watched you grow into the amazing person you are. Three years since mum passed away, I have finally plucked up the courage to write a piece for this blog.
Mothers Day is everywhere
When you walk around shops, Mother’s Day is everywhere. There is no way we can avoid the lovely presents, flowers, cards in window shops. Although it is a tough day for anyone who has lost their mother, I find myself looking at the gifts with a smile on my face, thinking how much mum would have loved everything in the Cath Kidston shop! I suppose my message for anyone reading this today is to celebrate your mum as best you can, because sadly one day she won’t be here and you’ll have wished you did.
Whether a good thing or bad thing, I have coped with grief by trying to push it to one side and get on with daily life. I avoid the subject matter in conversation to stop the lump in my throat and teary eyes I seem to get every time I talk about mum. I know that talking about it more would help, but it is not always easy. When mum passed away, it was fairly short and hopefully pain-free. She was able to stay at home, and was surrounded by her family. However, an 18 year old as I was should not be watching her mum pass away, or choosing the music for her mum’s cremation – I should have been out partying, carefree! Mum was taken far too soon from us, but sadly cancer can be like that – for some there is no second chance, no option to avoid it.
Does it get easier?
Easter is a special time, as it will be Mothers Day, Easter and my 21st birthday, all in a short space of time. This will be the third birthday I celebrate without mum, but this one is an extra special milestone and to not have her on the day celebrating with me will be tough. However, having my family around me, and sharing happy memories and photos means we can remember mum positively, and laugh together as we reminisce.
“She might not be here in person but she is with me everywhere I go and in everything I do”
“It will get easier”, everyone tells you. But it doesn’t, not for me. My grief is only getting worse but I’m also learning to cope so that grief doesn’t swallow me up and rule my life. I find myself smiling at the little things, like mum’s favourite roses or walking past her favourite chocolates, Ferrero Rocher, as I walk round the supermarket. She might not be here in person but she is with me everywhere I go and in everything I do. I have permanently borrowed all of her Joules clothes, favourite scarves and Cath Kidston bags (sorry mum!). It is crazy how you find yourself turning into your parents without meaning to – I have mum’s driving skills and ability to dent cars easily! And I often find myself talking to random strangers in queues just like dad does, even though it used to be a huge embarrassment!
Thankful despite the heartbreak
I am thankful on a daily basis for a wonderful group of friends, work colleagues and the most amazing family for keeping me going. Just two weeks after mum died, dad forced me to a young farmers party. It felt so wrong to have fun so close to mums death, but just a few hours to myself was immensely useful, and there I met my boyfriend Jono, who after three years together I have a lot to thank for! I also have to thank exercise, however silly it sounds, as by going to the gym, for a swim or a walk after work, I feel refreshed after taking the time to focus my mind on something else.
My message for anyone reading this is simple: celebrate your parents everyday, however annoying they might seem, because you never know what is round the corner. Treat them, cook for them and buy them flowers, because I would give up everything in a heartbeat to be able to be with mum again. Life is precious and we should never take it for granted.
And mum – I love you to the moon and back and hope you’re watching me and I’m making you proud!
Love H xx
Want to write something for Let’s Talk About Loss? We’d love that! Email email@example.com or drop us a message on Facebook.